658 Understanding Love and Forgiveness 

Key Scripture: Matthew 6:15 & 1 Corinthians 13:5

1 Corinthians 13:5 Charity (Agape Love) ...thinketh no evil;

Matthew 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. 

Relevance

A while back, I was talking with a young bloke about 30 years old who was seeking some spiritual mentoring.

As I got talking to him. I found that he grew up in a large family of 13 kids, where his father used to beat the children with a kettle cord. Dad was an angry man. They lived in fear. He lived in fear. From that violent upbringing, the young guy and probably the rest of the family had issues.

My first question over the phone was whether he had forgiven his father. In these cases, it is mostly my leading question, as forgiveness is fundamental to healing and enjoying any future, whether spiritual or natural. I will explore that further as we go forward in our relationship.

When we hear the stories, it’s easier to get angry at the father or anybody who wields a cord in that way. We find it reprehensible, and it is. How can a parent raise a loving family when he/she create so many scars?

Most of us would like to deal out some rough justice to the holder of that cord, but let’s look a little deeper.

Perhaps the father would’ve been fine, even a good dad, had they stopped at three or four children. Having 13 children creates complexities that most of us are completely unaware of. For instance, how much money does the breadwinner need to make to feed 13 hungry mouths, pay the rent or the mortgage, pay bills, keep the bus running, service loans, and cover medical expenses? That’s a lot of pressure on ordinary people.

Mum and Dad may well have been ordinary had they stopped at a reasonable amount, say six. That would have halved the bills and doubled the love, and perhaps removed the excuse for the cord.

There is a breaking point in most people’s lives—a place where anxiety takes over from reason, where desperation displaces motivation, and love is replaced by irritation leading to resentment. These factors can all lead to negative consequences within, until the person no longer resembles their former self. 

I'm not excusing the father, but I am saying that there are often other considerations lying beneath the surface of all our malfunctions, not only his. Maybe the father was reared with the cord himself, and that was his go-to memory for discipline?

It matters a great deal how we are raised, as the ghosts emerge from their hiding places and take over at certain triggers, distorting our normal existence.

However, when we come to Christ, all those haunting thoughts and fears and the generational actions and scars can be erased through the power and love of the Holy Spirit. God ensures they are replaced by love and understanding. When we excavate beyond our pain, we find reasons why things happened the way they did. It doesn't excuse them, but when we can love our way through our past, it does give us closure.

Prayer